Chinese Food and Real Estate

Not long ago, I stopped on my way home for take-out Chinese food, which I ordered from this menu:

Yurrrrrrmmm, I love Chinese cruisine!

As I waited, my take-out menu clutched in my sweaty palm, quivering with the slightly inappropriate desire to giggle hysterically and point out the typo to everyone within earshot, I took a bit of a stroll around the neighbourhood. You can imagine my joy/chagrin to come across this high-vis sign:

Oh yeah! Double whammy day!

Come on out and buy a new condo all you Mariniers: sailiors, fishiers, captiains and all other seafariers welcome.

Proposition anyone?

I recently received an email from someone asking if I would be interested in adding their online grammar checker to my editing website. I had a good look at the site and tried out the grammar checker (as far as I could go without paying). The only thing that really caught my attention was the homepage text (it's here: http://www.grammarcheck.net/...please note that I don't recommend it!):

...blah blah blah...like many, you’ve likely forgotten much of what you learned. Where does the comma go, for instance? Is ending your sentences with a proposition really that bad a practice?

Hahahahaha... that's pretty funny, but not super smart for a site that specializes in grammar and spell checking. I sent an email and pointed out that I suspect they mean preposition instead of proposition, but I added that the practice of ending a sentence with a proposition might make for a more interesting discussion... ha ha (wink). I didn't get a response, and so far it hasn't been changed. I bet they used their own grammar checker to proofread it.

ITEAM!

Wandering through Coombs Market with a giant double scoop chocolate waffle cone (mostly running down my arm), I paused to admire this hand-made sign in the outdoor garden centre:

I like the artsy framing - cleverly broken up where the words stick out. Someone put a few minutes into making up this sign (but forgot to spell check).

I briefly considered it as an Apple thing (iTeam - I wonder if that's what they call themselves at Apple headquarters?), but then figured that if they were going to make a sign, surely they would have the technology and equipment to at least print it using a computer and printer instead of hand writing it.

I try to resist going into businesses and telling them about their typos. Mainly because I tend to end up looking smug and superior, and a lot of people don't care as long as the message gets across. So this is my passive-aggressive way of being smug and superior without having to face someone on the other side of a counter looking at me like I'm a doofus.

But, honestly (looking down my nose).... ITEAM?  Sheesh.

From Lorraine with Love

I'm sure some of you have seen this before, but it's a good one. If the your/you're question ever needed one definitive statement to clarify, this is it:

I love the Musketeer giving the message a friendly, jaunty feel. It makes me feel okay about posting something with the word "shit" in it, because Thaddeus here is oozing family-friendliness and a good dose of "just a healthy grammar lesson kiddies. Cheerio and all that. Don't forget to floss!"

Thanks Lorraine - this is one of my favourites!

Calling All Helens

Now that's exclusive: a boutique just for Helens (more than one Helen, made obvious by the lack of apostrophe). That's gotta be tough on business - there can't be that many Helens out there. BUT, this is potentially good news for me - my middle name just happens to be Helen. I'll have to drop by and see if that counts (because, if my eyes aren't deceiving me, those look like some pretty snazzy white fedoras on sale there).


This store got punctuation busted by Becky's (as in, belonging to Becky) iPhone. Thank you again, my vigilant compatriot!

Hannah's Post, and 2 Just For Fun

Hannah forwarded this to me - the apostrophes are great, but the comma makes all the difference:

It save lives... I wonder if we could start a postering campaign and plaster these far and wide as a warning to those who don't take us punctuation nerds seriously? SEE? This is life or death stuff we're talking about here!

Okay, I have 2 other quirky things to share that don't belong here at all, but which gave me a laugh. First, I have to sheepishly admit that my sister and I have been going through a phase of reading trashy romance novels and mailing them to each other when we're done. Both images are from books she sent to me. This first one is all about the artwork - I've heard that drawing hands is one of the most difficult aspects of creating art. Proof positive:

Okay, that's hard to see. Here's a close-up (sorry, a bit fuzzy):

Is that... his thumb? Egads! That must've been a terrible accident. Or does he have 6 fingers and that's his index finger kinked up over her hand? That would (sort of) explain why he has his wedding ring on his middle finger.  [Okay, I've spent entirely too much time studying this. I've tried to imagine that what I thought was his pinky is actually his thumb, I've tried to make my hands fit together like theirs with my "girl hand" pinky tucked away like the bride's, and I've concluded a few times that our hero, Cody, had polio as a kid and I'm making inappropriate fun of a cripple.]

My other bit of fun is a line of text from a 1972 Harlequin romance with a British heroine. She's an emergency ward nurse who, at one point, has to deal with an abused baby. I've highlighted a sentence from the scene just after:

Well, I don't know if tea and battered baby taste good together either, so I'd probably hold off on mixing flavours too.

[As an aside, because I love asides and because I've already crossed the family-friendly line for this post, the author's name is Betty Neels; when my partner Craig saw the book, he commented, "Betty Neels? I just bet she does..."]

Dr. Becky's Pet Peeve

My friend Becky has a grammar pet peeve that I share with her (really? I hear you say with surprise). [I threw the Dr. in the title because a) she is one, and b) I have brainy friends and I'm not afraid to brag about it.] She sent me this picture with the following comment:

At a fancy restaurant in Vancouver.  Boooooo!

I realize that when you gotta go you figure it out pretty quickly, so you can't argue with the functionality of these signs. All the womens and mens in the restaurant know which door to use. I do like the font, but FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, WOMEN AND MEN ARE ALREADY PLURAL, YOU FANCY VANCOUVER RESTAURANT OWNER!  ARRRRRGH!

High five Becky, high five.

Inguiry

Guestion: What's wrong with this picture?

I personally guite like it.

I wonder if this means the landlord is a little dyslexic... which then makes me wonder if one might be able to rent the place and skip a zero at the end of the rent check.  No, I'm pretty sure a 5 followed by a zero spells five hundred. Maybe you should inguire at the bank...

Jesi, thanks for being guick with that iPhone!

Rush & Rush

Cue the country twang and sing along if you like:
I'm in a hurry to get things done,
Oh I rush and rush .....

 

 and screw up this sign....

Okay, that's lame - sign doesn't rhyme with done or fun.  And speaking of lame... the lettering artist put an apostrophe on 'til (which can be considered correct, although there are a host of really dull arguments that claim "till" is the more correct way to shorten "until." AND, as an aside to my aside, Alabama actually sings the full word "until" in the song...), but there's a missing apostrophe in "Lifes." I can't even make fun of it for being a plural - it ain't even a word! (Oh, sorry, still in country twang mode.)

I do feel a little guilty that people put their lives at risk to take pictures on the highway, but Jen S., you made my day!

Weakly Treatment

No kidding. I got one of those face packs to energize, or clarify, or whatever my skin (they throw words at us that make us think we'll be magically transformed into younger, fresher, more vibrant - see? There I go doing it too - women). Here's a snippet of the instructions on the back (feel free to imagine a younger, fresher, more vibrant version of me, standing naked in the bathroom save for a puffy mint green spa headband, face smeared in exfoliating scrub, camera in hand... hot, right?):

Okay, it's not that easy to read, but fill in the blanks and skip to the end of the English bit. Quenching bath... blah blah blah... circular motions.... blah blah blah... to perfect your complexion... blah blah blah.... WEAKLY TREATMENT?!?

Well! They might have saved me the effort and put that first. I could have saved myself the $3. I struggled with the grammar at first, but I guess it's like saying "sickly child". (No, really I'm not that dumb. What I did first was realize it's a typo. THEN I got into playing with the grammar.)

What this is, is an unintentional bit of wisdom. We're all fools for the promise of perfection. I'm thinking about pitching a new, more "honest" system of labelling to spa/beauty product companies. The instructions will go something like this:

Rub this on your face. It smells good. Rinse off. You will continue to age.

Lens Machine Shop

I cranked a u-turn in a corner across double yellow lines to get a shot of this one.

The evil twin of the misplaced apostrophe - the forgotten apostrophe! I love this sign. It makes me want to stroll into the Lens Machine Shop with my glasses and ask if the scratch in the lens can be repaired with the lens machine, and if so, would that be using the gas or diesel engine? And how do I know the difference? Is lens repair more expensive with gas?

Also, even though it still doesn't make sense punctuationally (not a word? Huh, should be), I've begun to affectionately refer to the shop owner as Lens. Oh Lens, what were you thinking? Did Dicks Sign Shop hook you up? That Dicks is a nice guy...

Tree's Pruned

Here is a carefully-worded van sign designed to inspire confidence with its intelligent advertising. Complete with well-placed commas, big fancy words like "felled" and "turfing", and exemplary spelling throughout, there's nothing lacking here. In fact, there's extra - a bonus apostrophe to really dazzle us!

I love having friends on the lookout - thanks Omi for sending this to me. Feed the fire!

Bad Whether

Is it bad form to criticize foreign signs? After all, I took this picture in Italy, and I should feel fortunate that someone has taken the time (maybe not much...) to make sure us tourists get the message. I don't know, you tell me weather or not I should poke fun.

I do have to say, though, that I'm impressed with the comma after "bad". Such a fine detail in an otherwise ill-translated sign. Curious.

One Mayor, Two Mayor's, Three Mayor's, Four

 From Trish again - my genius on the lookout:

... just popped in to send you a perfect apostrophe typo for your blog - from the City of Vernon's news site, no less: 

The Provincial government’s Climate Action plan initiative prompted the Mayor’s to collaborate on the most cost effective way to accomplish these objectives through cooperation.  The Mayor’s recognized that a cooperative approach also applies to affordable housing, sustainability, economic development, water and air quality and transit – some of the major issues impacting all four jurisdictions – where cooperation could result in efficient action and a potential savings to taxpayers. The Mayor’s have instructed their respective chief administrative officers to begin work on a mechanism that would result in an action-oriented, transparent and ‘ultra-light’ approach – one that makes use of existing resources rather than creating another level of bureaucracy and an additional burden for taxpayers.

[Okay, there are only three Mayor's, but the title only made sense if I put the "Four" in there - forgive me.]

If one mayor gets together with a bunch of other mayors, do they become a... pod(?)... of Mayor's? Okay, I get the error - it happens to the best of us (well, not to us self-righteous grammar freaks, and, really, I'd like to imagine not to newspaper editors... but anyway).  But how can it be that there are other plurals (objectives, issues, savings, jurisdictions, officers, resources, taxpayers... uh, to be specific) that don't have the extra, useless, annoying, and totally incorrect apostrophe, but somehow more than one mayor gets an apostrophe? And why the capital "M"? (Don't get me started.)

My Favourite Sign Ever

As I may have mentioned before, I was in Australia in 2000 visiting my good friend Tania. During one of our ventures along the east coast, we stopped in a small village for gas (correction: petrol). I was surprised when I went in to pay and the owner asked, "How much was it?" There were no computers inside to tell him how much we owed - we had to go back outside to look at the pump reading. Ah, how refreshing! Already charmed, imagine my giddy joy when Tania discovered My Favourite Sign Ever! Attached to the gas (petrol) station was a pink brick building with this sign:

Aside from the mixing of two languages and the hilarious combination of fast food and art (in French, no less! Verrrry fancy), there's nothing technically wrong with the sign. Tania and I started laughing the instant we saw it, and I'm still laughing after nearly a decade.

Your's and Mine

I found this ad in the paper a few weeks ago. I suspected the spelling wasn't the newspaper's fault because of the stylized text. (I've blocked out the phone number and address to protect the offenders from the flood of prank phone calls that would surely pour in after this post is read by my thousands of followers.... feel free to read sarcasm here.)

So since it was an ad for a local business, I decided to make sure I was ridiculing the correct party (and if I was wrong, I guess I'd "come in & browse" - ugh! A big sloppy thhhppt! at the cheesy drop-shadow and messy font, but that's another blog...). Upon arrival I saw this:

And as I walked up, this (it's like the apostrophe leapt off in protest):

 

Aaaaaannnd for good measure:

Fashion with experience? [indignant snort]  Well, I guess you don't have to be able to spell "red" to tell someone they look good in it. Oh my, snarky girl.

Wide Right Turn's

Caution! This vehicle may cause my friend Tara to have an accident in traffic. She took this photo in Vancouver a week before she knew I was blogging on the same subject (AHA! Proof that I'm not alone...).



Okay, the useless and offensive addition of apostrophes in "make's" and "turn's" is insulting to us grammar freaks... but maybe we should have a moment of appreciation for the period at the end of it. (Really? Do signs have periods?)

Soul Job

Trish passed this on to me - it's an article from the Victoria Times Colonist about a mega sewage treatment project in Victoria. Here's her comment:

Sewage and soul jobs - is that some sort of freudian slip? Well, it was for this report. Do you like the odd newspaper slip, oh queen of typ-oh! s? : )

And the link:

http://www.timescolonist.com/Technology/Capital+Regional+District+votes+favour+four+sewage+plants+billion/1655084/story.html

...for those of you who don't want to read it (the typo is in the 10th paragraph), here's the quote:

“The province would probably appoint a board, a quasi-public board... and they would be tasked with carrying out sewage treatment,” he [CRD chairman] said. “It would probably go out to a p3 proposal of some kind and our soul job would be as municipal councils to figure out how to raise the money to pay for it.”

Actually, it makes the CRD sound more caring and invested in the project - the peace of their souls is directly connected to the treatment of poo. Now that's civic dedication.

Rib's for the Kid's

I'm surrounded. When I head south I drive past Smitty's restaurant with its "Kid's Eat Free" sign, and when I head north I drive past Ricky's restaurant with its "Rib's" sign. I'm most offended by Ricky's sign, because just before they got "Rib's" wrong they got "Burgers" right! At that point the person writing the text for the sign (after all, three whole words and the first 2 fairly long ones) must have become tired, fallen asleep on his/her pen, and accidentally made an apostrophe-like smudge between the b and s, which the sign maker in turn misinterpreted. At least that's what I'm hoping. I admit I don't know how the sign making process works, but surely between marketing people, copy writers and sign makers, someone knew this was wrong...


Ugh!

Sloth

I recently took the facebook "Which of the seven deadly sins are you?" quiz. I am Sloth, as seen here (apparently Sloth is a sexy cartoon wearing fishnet stockings on her arms ...looking an awful lot like she's peeping through a hole in the wall...).

Actually, I'm not offended by the image (although definitely confused), but I AM offended by the accompanying write-up. Whoever wrote the quiz must also be Sloth. It seems that I am so...lazy... I need to "walk up", because I got stuff I do. (It's accurate here - I do got stuff I do, like eating, sleeping, working, ... the list could go on ... but I'm a ...Lazy..person.)

Fortunately there are (+) (it only took a few read-throughs to figure out that the + and - weren't just random typos), and thank goodness I'm such a relazed type of person, or I'd be pretty annoyed that you used "your" incorrectly and couldn't even type out the word "level". lvl? Did you clack this out in text mode on your cell phone? Were you driving, or maybe even sleeping?

Facebook, where are your filters? Quality monitors? Have I just identified a hole in staffing? Are you hiring?

Quiz creator, I (it's capitalized) dare YOU to get off the computer.